Sometimes I feel that I spend too much time behind the lens. That I miss what I’m actually photographing. I feel I’m missing the experience of those precious moments I won’t ever get back, because I’m too busy making sure that I capture them to have on photo paper, much like an image diary.
I’ve never had the best memory, I’m always forgetting things, important things that people have said / things I’ve done. I forget, until I’m reminded that is…
For instance, recently I went for a week away with my Fiance’s family. We went for a day out to a waterfall walk, one that seemed really nice, but in the end we couldn’t walk it because we have a son who had only just turned one at the time & the walk wasn’t pram friendly….
Anyway, a few days later I was telling my cousin all about it when she said ‘it’s the same exact place that we used to go when we were kids’ – with my Grandad when he was a scout leader. Then, it all came flooding back, but up until that point, it was just a lovely walk that I’d never seen before. – That, however, was just my bad memory & had nothing to do with a camera.
I decided to step out from behind the lens a few days before that whole walk / not remembering / then remembereing happened, at my Son’s first birthday party. Everyone was singing, I kneeled next to him, also singing happy birthday & I watched him looking at his cake & smiling the biggest smile I’ve ever seen & looking so overjoyed with the whole experience. I loved that I was right there, in the moment with him, enjoying it & watching every delighted twinkle in his eyes. Now though, I can’t help but feel saddened by the fact that I’ve not got it documented, to treasure forever, in front of me. I’ve not got something I can look at to remember that exact moment when I felt so proud of my little boy & proud of myself & my fiance for making such a gorgeous, happy little man.
Of course I’ll always treasure that warm feeling I got inside seeing him so happy & being right there with him, rather than having my face hidden behind my camera, but I’ll always regret not capturing it.
So, my question to you, parents, photographers, both….do you ever get this feeling??